Prince Kaito's Perilous Journey
by mikirox1
Summary: Prince Kaito is going off to rescue the fair Princess Miku. Hey, where did everyone go? Why won't anyone help Kaito? Why aren't there any elevators when he needs them? This is gonna suck...


**Miran: Okay, who's getting tired of my English assignments? Too bad. I've got another one for you. Story motifs, mwahaha.**

**Kaito: This is... so sad...**

**Warning: Minimal editing and my own brand of humor**

**Disclaimer(s): I do not own Vocaloid. I do not own Terry Pratchett's The Color of Magic. I do not own the Ninja Melk (nigahiga's video, there is a really obvious reference). I do not own ice cream. I do not own Hawaii. I do not own penguins. I do not own the Girl Scouts or their cookies. I do not own the Sparkly Fairy- Wait, I do own that. Haha.**

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Once upon a time, there was a royal lunatic who shall be named Kaito. He was the prince of the blue country. Like most of the people in the country, Kaito had blue hair and blue eyes. Kaito's parents shall remain unnamed.

The king said to Kaito, "How you doin', son? Did I mention that I'll be tossing you out of here so you can rescue some stupid girl?"

Kaito's response was, "Huh?"

The queen patted her son's head. "She's not too dumb. She's just stupid enough to get kidnapped by teenage children."

The other parent nodded. "It shouldn't be too hard. It'll make us look better too. Did I tell you that you have to do this? The rulers of the green country really hate us, and the stupid girl is the princess, so there.

Kaito whined, "But I don't wanna!"

"I will give you bacon-flavored ice cream if you do it."

And so Kaito set off to the unknown location, armed with vanilla ice cream and a spoon. He was alone because the king was too lazy to employ random soldiers.

After walking about six miles away from the city, the childish prince came across a suspicious tower. Dark clouds gathered over it and lightning struck the stone pillars. Strangely enough, the weather was delightful everywhere else.

Kaito _did_ manage to climb all fifty-two flights of stairs, then he found a thick wooden door that was conveniently left unlocked. The blue-haired man rushed in and shouted, "Where are the demon kids who kidnapped the green princess?"

Sitting in the chair was a beautiful woman with blue eyes and waist-length pink hair. "Oh, the green princess? I'm Luka, but the princess you're looking for is probably in the next dark, suspicious tower."

Kaito exclaimed, "I climbed all of those stairs for nothing?"

Luka asked, "Why didn't you take the elevator?" There was a loud 'ding' as the elevator doors opened.

The blue prince was shocked. He hadn't noticed the huge, shiny elevator that had a stop on every single floor.

He stepped into the elevator and rode it the entire way down.

Kaito asked strangers, "Have you seen a dark, suspicious tower?" After about sixteen short conversations, he found a gloomy castle. For some reason, the gigantic, conspicuous door was locked. He was banging on the gate when a woman with gray hair stopped by.

She said, "You need to pay to get in there. That'll be a thousand bucks."

Kaito decided that bacon-flavored ice cream was more important than his college fund, so he wrote out a check and addressed it to "Creepy gray-haired lady."

Like magic, the doors opened. Kaito jumped inside and faced not countless flights of stairs, but a blonde girl who was texting continuously.

The girl looked up for a second. "Oh, hi. I'm, like, the guardian of this place. So, yeah… Rawr and stuff."

Kaito saw the cell phone of doom and trembled with fear. That monster would… text him to death.

The girl said, "Uh, that princess girl is on the eighty-third floor. By the way, if my boss asks, there was a big fight and we both walked away with a messed up pride…"

The man ignored the blonde guardian and searched frantically something. "Where's the elevator?"

"What elevator? You have to take the stairs to the eighty-third floor. Be glad that she isn't on the hundred and ninth floor."

Kaito dashed up the stairs, yelling, "I'm coming, royal green dimwit!" He ran so fast that he didn't hear the guardian call, "Oh, the _green_ princess? I thought you meant the _chimera_ princess."

The man burst into the very high room. "Hey, guess what? I'm alive," the prince said happily.

It was a girl with pink twin drills. Her hair, I mean. She said, "Oh, I guess that means I have to move up to the ninety-sixth floor."

Kaito then noticed that the girl had bat wings and a tail. He restrained himself and kept from saying a few offensive words.

The unnamed princess grasped the fabric of his shirt and threw him out the window. "If anyone asks, you fell!"

Kaito hit the ground quite hard, but he was left unharmed by some miracle. He only suffered from internal bleeding, a few broken ribs, a cracked skull, major trauma, and… Let's not list everything. But he _was_ alive.

Just as Kaito's life began to slip away, he was visited by the Sparkly Fairy of Wonderland, who had walked out of her own story and into this one.

Miki, the Sparkly Fairy waved her magical barbecue fork and fixed Kaito. She cried, "To Hawaii!" and vanished in an octarine-colored flash. Of course, she had stolen the fluorescent purple-yellow-green color from Terry Pratchett. Really, what kind of Sparkly Fairy _doesn't_ use the color of magic?

The blue prince felt… not revived, just extremely sick. Still, he persevered and trudged on to the next local castle.

When he reached a residence, he said, "Hello, I'm Prince Kaito and I need help locating a creepy tower." The inhabitant slammed the door in his face.

Kaito tried again at another home. He received the same response. Again and again, actually.

Finally, he said, "Hi, I'm selling Girl Scout cookies. I need to deliver the… Mint… Things… uh, and I don't know exactly where the creepy tower is located."

The kind man pointed toward the obvious, scary stone building on the horizon. And so, the prince set off again.

And he dramatically entered the… kitchen? What kind of front door leads to the kitchen? Well, at least it wasn't the bathroom.

Kaito's arrival was answered by… a servant holding a tray of cookies. She spoke some language that can only be classified as nonexistent. Who on the normal earth speaks a mix of Hawaiian and penguin?

Anyway, he was directed to a—you guessed it—tall tower. At least the prince took the elevator. He knew that he was supposed to go up to the seventy-sixth floor. He spent the next seven minutes listening to jingly elevator music.

The doors opened very slowly, but they did open. Kaito leaped out of the passage/door-thing like he had already done a couple times.

There was the blue-green hair… That had to be the green princess… She turned around and—

"Gah!" Kaito was horrified. That…? "You're the green princess?"

The _boy_ said calmly, "Oh, you're looking for my twin sister. She's in the _other_ tower. Same castle though."

"Wait, if you know that the doors are unlocked and there are no fearsome guardians, why don't you leave?"

"I'm on the seventy-sixth floor!"

"There's an elevator."

"Whoa, there's an elevator?"

Kaito face-palmed. Well, that was one dumb prince. He decided to take the elevator down and moved on to the next tower.

Oh, jeez. Princess Miku's tower had no elevator. It didn't even have an escalator. There was even a sign.

"To: whoever comes by

Princess Miku is on the hundred and twenty-sixth floor. Just so you know.

From: the weird kids who won't sign their names"

Kaito cried, "Those fiends!" and started to run up the stairs. He made it to the fourth step before he sank to the ground. "Must… have… ice cream…"

The Hawaiian/penguin servant passed by while eating some strawberry-flavored ice cream. Kaito sensed the dessert and attacked the servant.

About twenty-three seconds later, the prince finished the tub of ice cream and shouted, "_Now _I'm coming, idiot Princess Miku!"

The blue prince sprinted up the stairs with surprising speed. The cold treat had restored him to his former… No, it made him much better than before, because the prince had never been athletic.

After an hour or so, Kaito reached the hundred and twenty-sixth floor. He was tired, sweating, and hungry. He crawled to the door. "Hello? Princess Miku?"

The opened and revealed a short girl. Huh. He hadn't imagined that the princess would be blonde.

Another child arrived. Anotr blonde kid? Then the right girl came around.

Kaito choked out, "Princess Miku, I've come to rescue you." He had a coughing fit for no apparent reason.

The teal-haired princess asked, "Rescue me from what?"

The short blonde girl wondered, "Why did he come?"

The blonde boy answered, "Because he's stupid."

The blue prince looked like he was going to cry. "Don't call me stupid!" He stood up and cleared his throat. Wow, he changed expressions _fast_. "Um, Princess Miku, your parents wanted me to rescue you."

The blondes said, "But we're just playing a game."

"Huh?"

"Rin and Len invited me to their parents' castle," Miku explained. "They didn't know how to use their Xbox 360. But I told my dad about it."

The blonde girl, Rin, and her brother, Len, threw Kaito out the window. He _had _interrupted the game and he would've looked cool as a blue dot on the ground.

Of course, Kaito survived the impact. The Sparkly Fairy stopped by again. Miki swished her barbecue fork and a wave of steak sauce washed over the unmoving body of the prince.

Miki said, "Oops," and waved her fork again. Kaito was healed.

The blue prince went back to his country with shame weighing heavily on him. He had not rescued the princess, for she had not required rescuing. The green king finally remembered that Miku had left willingly.

Kaito died old and lonely. He was a failure as a prince. This is the only story about him. And everyone but the blue prince lived happily ever after.

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**Miran: I just love picking on Kaito. Can you tell?**

**Miku: Yeah...**

**Miran: Okay, uh, review. I actually do appreciate it, you know. Bye~**


End file.
